I am breaking with that goal for today.

Today was a full day.  We held funeral services for my grandmother.  My mother read a tearful eulogy to the woman she spoke with on the telephone nearly every day of her adult life.  I cannot imagine  how difficult it was.  And yet, she did well.  She should have cried.  She did.  But she got through her written words without completely breaking down.  It was a catharsis, I think, for my mom.  She has suffered alongside my grandmother throughout her dementia, cancer, and general decline in health.  It is inevitable for a body to break down.  It is not inevitable for a spirit to break down.  My grandmother was lost to us, at least for me, when my grandfather passed away three years ago.  Yes, she was still alive.  But her mental faculties worsened, and I could see at his funeral that something left her that day.  Nearly three years to the day, she left the rest of us behind.

Today was spent crying in the morning, consoling one another, and gathering afterward to celebrate the family we have.   Through time, people do drift apart.  But today has made me realize, again, that it is wrong to dwell on what hurts.  My grandmother loved us dearly.  She was kind-hearted.  But she would not want me or anyone else to put our lives on hold.

Some time last night, I felt a spark that perhaps was missing over the last few weeks for me.  I am 25.  I have a bright future in a career I have chosen.  Every day presents new challenges to me.  That’s what I live for.

From this vista I return to Chicago re-energized in many ways.  I know that my mom is okay.  My sister-in-law has a healthy child on the way.  And I see more now that I was allowing one confusing relationship to drag me down rather than exploring what else I had out there.  As a perfectionist, I think I can solve anything.  It’s not true.  But that doesn’t prevent me from thinking it.  The assignments I’ve turned in this quarter make me feel dissatisfied.  I know I can do better.  I will.  But even with this relationship, I was thinking of angles to make things better.  To be honest, there’s little I can do at present.  She was great.  Are we meant to be?  I never really thought so.  But that didn’t stop me from caring about her.  And it shouldn’t lead me to being bitter about the whole ordeal.

Rather than dropping some cliché here, I want to say that I plan to be more energized and focused come tomorrow.  I want to be great at what I do.  I want people around me to feel happy when I walk in a room.  And more than anything, I feel re-focused on my goals.   They are attainable.

Time to get busy working.

Things didn’t start out great.

Without going into details, the concept of “extra” web editor was new–and I was the very first to do it.  Needless to say, some quirks need to be worked out.  Stuff that I thought would take me maybe an hour took closer to two and a half.

Two buttons popped off my shirt.  That wasn’t good.  I sewed them back on later, but still.

The story I was working on that day fell apart when sources didn’t call me back.  That sucked.  It was about a deadline that day, but ended up not really being a story.  Again, it sucked.

I was in the newsroom until 5:45 on Friday.  I was done with class at 12.  That sucked.

I found out some time in there that my grandma had less than 10 days left on this earth.

So that night, I went out for a drink with some friends from school.  We were in Andersonville, keeping it low-key.  I felt bad because one of my friends is now seeing a girl I go to school with, who happens to be close friends with the girl I was seeing before.  Not wanting to deal with that whole situation, I reluctantly didn’t call back, figuring they’d all be together.

I get to the bar, and my friend is not there, but the girl he is seeing, along with the girl I was seeing, are there.  Begin awkward dynamic.  Others told me after the fact that they felt uncomfortable.  I tried to play it cool and talked to other people.  Apparently things still need to be ironed out.

Saturday and Sunday were spent watching football.  Good.

Monday, I had the day off and ran errands.  Good.

Tuesday, my brother called me on my way to the newsroom to say my grandma had less than 48 hours left.  That didn’t start my day well.  By noon, she was gone.  That wasn’t easy to deal with.  I carried on through my day and told a couple of people that she had died, but I finished the story I’d been working on Friday.  I didn’t want to cause a scene.

Wednesday I covered a CTA protest, but was more or less backup for another reporter, since it was in his beat. I didn’t want to step on his toes.  I tried to film video and take still photos, but neither turned out well–you can only do one or the other.  Not both.  I turned my pictures into a slideshow, which I ended up unhappy with.  I had to take audio from the video I’d shot, chop that, export audio only, convert the audio, open that in Audacity, chop that, edit down, export for Soundslides.  Needless to say, with all the technical difficulties on top of being distracted, my project wasn’t crisp.  It wasn’t even good.

Then, I couldn’t get my story uploaded for about an hour.  The CMS was so slow.  I was going nuts.

Today, I flew home to be with family and to bury my grandmother.  It has been a tough 7 days.  Will I get through it?  Surely.  I’m not one to stay down long.  But I was near my breaking point about 36 hours ago.

I spent the day moving furniture from my grandmother’s room in the old folks’ home.  It wasn’t fun.  But it had to be done.  This is what you do for family.

One of the few people on this earth I can say I love with no reservations was taken away this week.  That hurts.  But I will make her proud in the coming weeks and years.  She wouldn’t want me to mope over this.   And I don’t plan to.

Nevertheless, here is my second story.

http://news.medill.northwestern.edu/chicago/news.aspx?id=153987

Regardless, I am enjoying reporting to a great extent.  I’m absorbed and engaged.  There’s lots to do, and I feel like I’m accomplishing things.  I will be reporting on stimulus spending this quarter.  Looking forward to it.  Here is the first story I published on the first day of reporting:

http://news.medill.northwestern.edu/chicago/news.aspx?id=153354

Enjoy.

Instead, I found myself warm per usual as I tried to sleep on Wednesday morning, then suddenly very cold.  The feeling never subsided.  I tried my best to feel passable, but I couldn’t.  I finished the article I intended to turn in, but it lacked sources I felt essential (namely, banks, which were closed in observance of Veterans Day).  I turned the article in at 2 p.m. and proceeded to sleep 3 more hours.

I then spent 30 of the next 36 hours in bed.  I had a terribly sore throat, to the point where I couldn’t swallow my own saliva.  I was running a fever and feared swine flu.  Only ibuprofen made me feel well enough to eat or drink, due to reduced throat swelling.  I was sweating like a whore in church all day Wednesday and Thursday, and even after showering, I was still wet.  It was terrible.

Finally, Friday I managed to get to the student health center.  I had a battery of test run on me, and I suspected strep throat, given my throat’s appearance and what I’d read on WebMD.  Mono also came into play, but I was sure swine flu was out.  No cough, no congestion.

Eventually I found out I had a bacterial infection.  I was prescribed antibiotics (first time ever) and Prednisone.  This drug is prescribed for everything from allergies to asthma to leukemia to lymphoma to syphilis.  It’s a wonder drug.

So how has the wonder drug affected me?  Well, Friday night, I had some friends in town, but reluctantly didn’t go out with them because I was under the weather.  Instead, between 9 p.m. and 3 a.m., I wrote a 1,000 word magazine article, cleaned my room, talked on the phone for an hour with my mom, did some Christmas shopping online, did my JBN homework for the next two weeks, and then finished the entire hard Sudoku puzzle from the Friday RedEye in under 30 minutes.

To put things in perspective, the Sudokus in RedEye have a picture above them of this radio host who actually does the puzzle in advance, and they tell you how long he takes.  I never come close to his time.  Friday’s puzzle took him 17 minutes–it took me 23.  So as I cleaned, I found the hard puzzle from the previous Friday, which I’d not started.  I saved it and did it Saturday afternoon on the train as I was going to my friend Kyle’s apartment–this puzzle took the guy 45 minutes, and it only took me 25.  That’s scary.  My mental acuity is “off the chain” as the kids on the streets would say.

I’m wondering if these steroids will lead to continued superpowers.  Tomorrow I’m going to see if I can bench press a car.  If so, I am never giving these drugs up.

Ok, so maybe not.  But at least I’m feeling better, and my mind is sharp.

Last night I broke doctor’s orders and went out with my friends.  I didn’t take my antibiotics and steroids, as I was trying to stay away from adverse reaction.  I’m back on pace today, and feel no worse the wear.  I think they all had fun last night; we had some serious deep dish pizza at Bacino’s, which was an excellent pepperoni and sausage pie, followed by a trip to F. O’Mahony’s, a decent bar in Lakeview.  Lots of people from school showed up, and I had a great time there.  My friends from home+my friends from school+bars in Chicago=a fantastic time.  At 1 a.m., I took my posse to Trace, as I knew it was open until 4, was near enough to where we were, and if you show up before 2 a.m., it’s worth going to.  Otherwise, the line is 75 dudes deep, as they all try to get in one more beer after the bar they were previously at is closed.

So the weekend was a success.  Time to translate that into next week.  I have an uphill battle to catch up–but I’m ready for it, drugs in tow.  Bring it on, Chicago.

When I showed up, my professor was running half an hour behind.  The guy scheduled for 4 p.m. was still waiting at 4:30.  I walked to Chipotle and wolfed down a burrito in the interim and came back at 5.  Worked.

As for the review, I have an 85% in methods.  That’s decent, considering I was getting nothing but B- and C+ my first 3 weeks.  Took a while to get an A.  It’s funny, too, that I always fancied myself a writer, given my background in creative writing and poetry.  My worst grades have been on the writing assignments.  I mean, it’s not as if I’m shitting and pissing myself all over the place on the writing assignments, but more so that I am not great at writing news leads and paring down yet.  I know what’s important, but just don’t always get things up front.   Sounds like a metaphor for my life.

My teacher did a numerical scale of 1-5 for a bunch of different categories.  I gave myself mostly threes, with a few fours and twos thrown in there.  She gave me a five on my video productions.  That makes me excited.  It’s funny that I have excelled in the mediums I have very little experience in.  Perhaps that’s a good omen.  I sure hope so.

Otherwise, this weekend included two costume parties.  One was a Zombie Ball.  I was a zombie executive.  The other was just a birthday/Halloween party and I was dressed as perhaps the most hideous woman on earth.  Body hair was pouring out from every clothing opening.  I will upload pictures as an update to document how awful I look in drag.

This week, we start beat reporting.  I’m first up in the slot, meaning a partner and I run the “newsroom” on Wednesday.  Kinda cool.  I’ll be glad to get it out of the way.  Then I can get into the meat and potatoes of reporting.  Looking forward to that.

Saturday night was the last of our planned get-togethers before classes actually begin.  That said, it was a potluck, where bringing of drinks and food was par for the course.  It’s a good way to gather, I think.  I made buffalo chicken dip, FYI.  I wasn’t happy with the consistency of the recipe I used, but I went for a larger batch, knowing that our group would be on the larger side and that said dip is often a crowd pleaser.

Here’s the real story, outside of our event: I was going down to Berwyn, two stops south of where I live.  The quickest way to get there is by taking the 36 bus down Broadway.  I did just that.

As I crossed Broadway and began walking under the El tracks, passing the station, I saw a commotion in the street.  I looked over and it looked like someone was unconscious in the middle of the street, just before the intersection with Winthrop.  At first, I figured it might have been a biker who got hit by a car…but then I realized it was too far from the actual intersection for that to be true.  There was a small crowd on the sidewalks, probably about 10 people, but not large.  From there, I could see the guy not moving, and it looked like somone else was kinda hugging him.  Then, I saw a third guy stand up, covered in blood.  When I say covered in blood, I mean that he was wearing a light-colored t-shirt, but that 3/4 of it was just blood-soaked.  It was gruesome.  I couldn’t tell if it was his blood or not; I couldn’t see any wounds from my vantage.  I also didn’t particularly want to stop and rubberneck. I continued around the corner, peeking to see what was going on.  A CTA worker was about 10 ft from the whole scene, but there were no police or ambulance.  At that point, with all the blood I’d seen, and the guy lying in the street motionless, I was convinced he had to be dead.  There’s no way there could be that much blood without someone being dead.

I went up to my friend’s apartment, and there were about 5 guests present, plus the tenants.  I said this may sound strange, but I’m not lying when I say I’m pretty sure I just saw someone die.  Of course, it was thought I was kidding, but I wasn’t.  I told the story, and a girl who showed up for the party said that one of the guys I described had asked her if she wanted a ride or something to that extent, and she’d gotten there abotu five minutes before I had.

I went out on the front balcony to see if there was anything more visible.  An ambulance showed up after I ha been in the apartment for a few minutes, but there was no way they’d save the guy if he’d lost that much blood.  Out on the balcony, I saw a few more of our friends coming down the street, and when they got upstairs they said they’d heard people saying someone had been stabbed.

Needless to say, I was spooked.  I tried not to think about it too much that night, but it was tough to get that image out of my head, and for people to not talk about it.  It’s increasingly strange as well, because it’s not like Edgewater is a high-crime area.  It’s a truly mixed neighborhood.  Regardless, it makes you aware that no matter where you are, you must be aware of your surroundings.  More can be read on the story through various Chicago news outlets, in particular:

http://www.chicagobreakingnews.com/2009/09/man-stabbed-to-death-in-edgewater.html

http://www.suntimes.com/news/24-7/1780832,w-englewood-stabbing-092009.article

It’s been a strange couple of days, for sure.  On Friday, I found out that my grandmother effectively has terminal cancer, but it’s not going to take her immediately.  Death affects everyone in some way, and I’ve just had a few death-related things pop up for me in the last 48 hours.  I’m hoping that the trend doesn’t continue.  Even so, I can only say that I hope the police find the guy who committed this crime, and that nothing like this happens again any time soon around here.

1. The Lincoln Park Zoo is always free.
2. Dearborn Observatory is free on Friday nights.
3. Chicago History Museum is free on Mondays.
4. Check out the Pedway, tunnels under the Loop.
5. Nature Museum is free on Thursdays.
6. The Art Institute of Chicago is free on Thursday after 5 p.m.
7. The Museum of Contemporary art is free on Tuesdays.
8. National Museum of Mexican Art is free.
9. The Grant Park Agora is free to explore with its sculptures.
10. Outsider Art is free.

festivals/parades:
11. Central American Day Parade: Sep. 9 on Montrose from California to Kimball.
12. Pilsen Mexican Independence Day Parade: Sep. 15 Newberry and 18th St., West on 18th St to Wolcott.
13. World Music Festival: Grant Park, Sep. 14-20.
14. Celtic Fest: Grant Park, Sep. 15-16.

This also doesn’t include going to the beach, which I actually did yesterday.  It’s pretty badass that a beach is a 10 min walk out my back door.

Last update, I had found the internet.  Around that same time, I started chatting with a number of people on Facebook chat.  I must preface this by saying I’ve done something I’d not previously done: blind friending via FB.  I’m not one to friend people I’ve not met, but in this case, I figured it’d make it easier to meet people.

Back to the point: I found a friend who lives two stops south of me on the Red line, in total about a 15 minute walk or a 10 min bus ride.  We decided to check out the Taste of Polonia festival last week, which, to be honest, was underwhelming.  It was $4 to get in, a plate of food cost $10, and beers were $4.  Eh.  Not worth it.  Aside from aforementioned beer and food, we sat through a cooking demonstration in an auditorium.  The chef was unintentionally funny despite his best efforts to be funny; the best lines were on his distaste for aluminum and his dislike of Toby Young.  He said something along the lines of “if you think aluminum is good for you, go to GNC and look at an essential elements table,” to prove his point that you shouldn’t cook with aluminum.  He was adamant about this and harped on it several times.  And after a looooong diatribe about how he disliked Toby Young, the chef’s transition was “and that’s why I hate Toby Young.  Now let’s make a red pepper sauce.”

The following day, I did very little.  Sean (my friend) and I attempted to see a local comedy show, but it was not meant to be.  Instead, we went to a bar called Hopleaf, which wasn’t too bad.  Good beer selection, decent prices.  I’ll probably revisit at some point.  Basically, Sean and I were just hanging out, since neither of our roommates were around (we both have 2) and we really hit it off, I’d say.  It’s good to have already made a buddy.  There are few men in our program, and lucking out that I have a guy friend who lives nearby and has common interests is terrific.  He’s definitely a cool guy.

Enough with the man crush.  Thursday night I had planned to go the Art Institute, which is free from 5-8.  Did you know that it’s the second largest art museum in the US?  Crazy.  Anyway, that fell through because I realized the Steelers game was on at 7:30 and not 8:30, now that I live in a new time zone.  Dur.  I was on a mission to find a Steelers bar in Chicago, and that’s exactly what I did.

View Larger Map

So I had that going for me.  I wasn’t sure what to expect…but man, it was heaven for me.  95% of the people in Durkins were wearing Steelers garb, and everyone was pulling for one team.  Even the décor is Steelers stuff.  It’s great.  And the icing on the cake: Coronas are $2.50 on Thursdays at Durkins.  Not too shabby.

Friday, I got a phone call from a girl from school to hang out.  We met up around 3:30 and had a few drinks.  We then met up with two of her friends who were visiting Chicago for a few days, and we got ice cream and had dinner.  I also lost a game of Othello in the process.  That was a little upsetting to me.  Harumph.  Later in the evening, I met up with Sean and we went to a bar called Sluggers.  It’s kind of a crazy place.  Downstairs is a normal bar, though beers were a little pricey, but upstairs is a room with live music…and another room with a batting cage and arcade.  Very unique, I’d say.  I liked the place, aside from the beer prices.  Afterwards, we went to a comedy show next door called “Guy Friends.” It’s an improv show where these four guys improvise a sitcom, and the premise of the show comes from audience suggestion.  Ours was “Colin is turning into a werewolf.” It was pretty funny.

Saturday was our first unofficial classmate meetup.  A few people met up at Sean’s apartment, and from there we headed out to Wrigleyville.  The first bar we went to was alright, though a bit loud.  Many bars in Wrigleyville are the same: loud-music-blasting-meat markets.  Still, this place wasn’t so bad.  I forget the name.  I talked with a number of people there and was having a good time.  As we were preparing to leave bar number one, I introduced myself to the newest members of the group, two girls who will remain anonymous.

From here, the story gets a little blurry, and I plan to protect identities.  Regardless, I will say that one girl seemed pretty drunk already, and on our walk to the next bar, they began telling me how they’d been hanging out for a few weeks and had been drinking tequila together.  They invited me to a tequila shot at the second bar we arrived at.  I’m not one to refuse.  Strangely, though, as we were taking our first round of shots, the girl who was pretty drunk tried to sneak some of her shot into mine.  Weak sauce.  Don’t talk a big game about your drinking skills and then pull that shit.  Drink like an adult.

About 5-10 minutes later, I bought a second round of tequila.  Here’s where problems began.  As we took the shot, I slammed mine like a champ.  No surprise there.  But the two girls only took half their shots.  Again, big boy pants.  I called them out on this, especially after their previous talking.  At that point, the less intoxicated girl tried to finish her shot and immediately vomited a little.  Not full out puke, but some dribbled out her nose and mouth.  Yuck.  The other girl soon thereafter looked in bad shape and ended up disappearing into the bathroom for a little while.  The rest of the night was less eventful, filled with dart playing and chit-chat.  It was a great time.

Sunday, I watched football.  Monday, I watched football.  I like football.  Nothing new there.  I’m very glad to be back watching football, as I am every year.  It’s just unfortunately a harbinger for colder weather, which I’m not a fan of.

Tuesday, I went to the Museum of Contemporary Art with a few people from school.  It was my second time at the museum, while the previous was nearly four years ago.  I love museums like this one.  Just lots of thought-provoking art.  It’s not for everyone, but it’s my cup of tea.  Afterwards, we ate at Giordano’s, my first time eating at the restaurant.  The service left much to be desired, but the pizza was good.  Gooey, greasy, and coma-inducing pepperoni goodness.

Wednesday, as in yesterday, as of the time of this post, we had our big unoficial meetup.  Beforehand, I went to Sean’s to iron a shirt (I forgot mine when I moved) and got to know his roommates a bit better, and I got my onion peeled. After, a guy from school named Ben came over to watch the Liverpool vs. Debrecen Champions League game. As for our get-together, a number of Medill locals planned for us to meet at a place called Piece bar.  At this location, beers are brewed on-site and pizza seems pretty good.  It’s a little out of the way for most, actually on the other side of the Dan Ryan, but hey, you can’t make an omelet without breaking some eggs.  I met up with Sean and his newly-moved in roommates, and we all headed to said bar together.

View Larger Map

The night was a resounding success, I’d say.  About 35 people showed up in total, and I likened the experience to a really big, extended speed dating session.  Actually, there were only 7 guys by my count amongst the 35 of us, so the numbers play in my favor.  Well, relatively anyway.   I didn’t even come close to talking to everyone, perhaps not even half, but I talked to enough good people to feel satisfied.  I mean, things will shake out eventually.  In the meantime, I hit it off with a couple of people, again, and I’m happy about that.  It’s nice to have a few friends.  After Piece bar closed up shop, we went to Nick’s something-or-other for a brief moment, which was probably unnecessary.  I ended up letting a classmate crash at my place, seeing how I still have 0 roommates in the place, and I’m glad I let him stay here.  Otherwise, he was going to try to take a cab from the Howard station to his place in Evanston.  Honestly, not a good idea.  Staying here was a much wiser choice.

So, here we are.  Socially, things are updated.  I’ll fill in on the other happenings in my life in my next post.  Until then…

Today, I found a hammer–which is nice, because I was planning to purchase one–and a few other tools in my roommates room.  Now all I gotta do is finish cleaning the kitchen.  Bleh.

Overall, though, Chicago and my living situation has been shaping up quite well.  No, I don’t have friends per se, but I’m sure that will be remedied soon enough.  After a little more cleaning, I suspect I may explore Clark street.  Not a bad idea to hit that for lunch.  We’ll see what comes up.